Friday: Today a 14-year old super-genius computer hacker called Vladimir got on the bus with his laptop. In return for a pizza and a 2 litre bottle of full-fat Coke, he invited us all to join him in his next hacking project which involved the Fonz (AKA Arthur Fonzarelli).
He explained to us that the Fonz is actually a robot-cyborg dude controlled by an artificial intelligence known as the Brilliant Revolutionary Artificial Intelligence Network for Fonzie using Advanced Robotic Technology (the BRAINFART for short). This made sense to us because there was an episode of Happy Days where Fonzie did some incredibly difficult dance moves in the style of a traditional Russian Cossack dance that a proper human without robotic help could never have done without popping a kneecap (check it out on Youtube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3gvusTsmW9A and check out some Russian/Ukrainian cyborgs too: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BvnJS_zkaMY).
However, Vladimir the super-genius had found a weakness in the BRAINFART computer security, namely the Fonz’s bumhole software (it was weak and slightly leaky). We hacked into Fonzie’s bum and made him fart really loud, which was perfect because he was up on stage at the Brussels Energy Sproutacular Awards Ceremony presenting the award for outstanding wind turbine design to Professor Gusty McSphyxiate from the School of Flatulatery Engineering at Strathclyde University. Then we upped our game and sent a virus right up Fonzie’s bumhole which caused him to power-poo straight into the wind turbine!
Vladimir wouldn’t give us full details of his next hacking project, but indicated that it would involve Sylvester Stallone, Prince Phillip, a paint roller and a smelly dead fish.
That was the end of the final instalment of the thrilling five part saga “Bumhole Bus Journeys”. It’s ok for you to feel a bit sad, but not hugely sad – that would be going too far.