Bumhole Bus Journeys: Part 4

Thursday: It was a zombie apocalypse on the bus today. The main reason for the zombies doing so well was that everyone thought that they could kill dead (proper dead) the zombies by destroying their brains. It was the quick thinking and moderately brave actions of one Rhiannon that saved the day. She was the one who figured out that killing (proper dead) a bus-zombie required a crossbow bolt straight to the bumhole (that’s the zombie’s bumhole, not the still-alive-human-that-the-zombie-wants-to-eat’s bumhole). The turning point in the battle occurred during a particularly bloody struggle between an old lady with a smelly handbag, a ginger bloke with awesome socks, a zombie wearing Nikes and nipple clamps, a naked zombie with a tattoo of a small bum on his big bum (the other way around would have been a paradox, and we don’t got no time for no paradox when there’s an apocalox), and a Rhiannon with great hair, great jeans, great perfume and a great origami crossbow. The Rhiannon fired her origami crossbow bolt and it ricocheted off the left nipple clamp of the nipple-clamped zombie and straight up the bum of the tattoo of the bum on the bum-tatooed zombie in the perfect billiards trick shot. That zombie fell down proper-dead which freed up the old lady to back-hand pass her stinky handbag to me as she side-tackled the nipple-clamp zombie, I shoved the stinky handbag up a third zombie’s hairy arse as he materialised from behind the schoolboy with the greasy hair and semi-erection, killing the zombie dead. Finally, the nipple-clamp zombie was killed by the ginger bloke with the awesome socks as he shoved the nipple-clamp zombie’s arse down hard on the school boy’s flappy birds, never allowing a single drop of blood, guts or gore to de-awesomise his awesome socks – what a star!

Note that the schoolboy’s love of his £700 iphone and its flappy birds was somewhat marred by the day’s events.


Read the next instalment of the thrilling five-part saga “Bumhole Bus Journeys”

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