Scarlett and the TK-Maxx Incident

For the purposes of this story, I will continue using the fake name Scarlett while my boyfriend’s fake name will continue to be Genghis. On Wednesday, Scarlett went back to the doctor at the Unwieldy Bottom Medical Centre. It had been a week since her last visit and she had now been having diarrhoea for 3 ½ weeks. The results of her liquid-poo-in-a-bucket-with-a-paper-plate lab tests were available and conclusively stated that it was probably a virus and there was nothing much anyone could do. Now, as a woman with diarrhoea, Scarlett had access to certain sanitary paraphernalia – the kind…

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Scarlett’s Exciting Day

For the purposes of this story, I will be using the fake name Scarlett and my boyfriend’s fake name will be Genghis. Yes, another diarrhoea story… Please read on. I awoke with an intense gut ache and outwards pressure of the bumhole. Diarrhoea again! It’s been two and a half weeks of diarrhoea from some nasty viral gastroenteritis, but today will be different. Today I get to shit on a Sainsbury’s Basics paper plate. The reason for such an exciting event so early in the morning is that yesterday I was at the doctor’s where they gave me a plastic tube into…

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Itchy Bumhole – Google Messes With My Head

I am a magnet for fucked up shit! Please peruse my offerings, for you are sure to conclude the same: The other day I searched Google for something normal. Yes, really! Something normal! I do sometimes look for normal stuff. But Google is a living, thinking being, a big computer brain that is alive and emotional, a shit-stirrer disguised as a computer program. And he saw me coming! He said “Oh joy! Here comes Bananaflee (that’s my name for the purposes of this story). How can we screw with her head today?” He then replied to himself (he likes to talk to…

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